Moving forward

Nine months, I guess, is long enough for me to not recover from my past.Funny it was that I have been suffering from emotional distress when, in fact, we have just spent a li’l time together. Yet, the four months of being together brought me a kind of bliss nobody had given me. He was a great person. He showed me love and I appreciate every li’l thing he had given me – the joy, laughter, comfort, love, time, the tears and the memories. But everything was just part of my past and I can’t live with them anymore. Promises are made to be broken and five years is long enough for us to find somebody else. So there is no sense living with the promises of the past. It has never been easy for me to let go and move on but now, I am ready to cut the string that attaches me from him. I am ready to let go.

Goodbye ronnel. It was nice meeting you. ^____^

it's just that...

There are many things in life that we just can’t understand, may it be an ordinary or an extraordinary thing. But as they say, everything happens for a purpose. You just have to believe in it.

I often wonder why life seems to be so unfair. There are those people who are homeless, who spend their nights on streets, eat leftover foods, yet they are still so eager to have LIFE. They seek and fight for life yet others are wasting their lives for nonsense matters and almost want DEATH! Wae?(why) LIFE is precious; it is short. Why can’t people just be thankful that they were still able to see the beauty of the world?...that they were still given the chance to amend the mistakes of yesterdays? Can’t it just be like that? Can’t we just be contented and thankful for this life?

Ohhh! I’m saying all these yet I, myself, can’t even be contented of what I ONLY have now. In the world that I am in, I don’t seem to exist. If I do, then I’m the ant- so small that everyone could just step on me because I could hardly be seen and felt. I hate this life that I have because it’s causing me a lot of problems that I can hardly handle them. Well, friends are there…but I haven’t found the friend that I’ve been longing to have all my life yet…The friend to whom I could share EVERYTHING with…the friend whom I could cry myself out whenever I want to…the friend who knows the ME in me…who could tell if I’m in trouble even if I haven’t said a word. I wonder if I’ll ever find one. Would I? Well, I’m still hoping so. Through this person, maybe he/she could fill the emptiness that my heart has, hence, my LIFE. Waiting may take me years but I would endure. Fighting!!!

sudden feeling of depression

My life has always been like this – full of problems- may it be a family matter, personal, school or even lovelife(hehe). But what i’m more concern of is my family problems, which also affects my studies. My personal problems are not important as for now. I need to set them aside for the meantime so i could focus on my study and family.

I was fortunate enough that I was still able to go to school this semester. Big thanks to GOd for the help and opportunity He had given me and that is through my friend’s family. It was really a great help. However, my parents are still having a hard time supporting me. And I feel so guilty that i could still go party and i even had a debt, which i dont know how to pay. I really feel so bad about myself. I feel like im such a bad daughter. I want to help them but how? I was planning to look for a part-time job but i am not so sure if I could manage. I’m now in my last year in college which means that i have a busier class schedule. I feel so useless. *sobs*

Everytime i talk to them on the phone, i could really sensethe worry in their voices. And i hate it ’cause i could do nothing with it. I feel so depressed.

I wish everything would be fine because i’m really having a hard time on this. I know GOD will never leave me and my family. *wide smile*