A Night of Individuality

(This is a late post since it was written on March 2, 2010 at 7pm.)

I was alone eating dinner with a single candle lit that brought me light. I was from the room watching August Rush not realizing that the electricity has gone off.

As I was eating alone, I tried to recall what happened during today. And I realized that nothing unusual has happened. It has never been a fun day. I have not met a friend and my eyes did not twinkle with joy and happiness. It was such an ordinary day, a sad day. So I asked myself, “When will I be happy? When will this sadness, disappointments, and fear abandon me?” (Thinking…) ...Maybe SOON …maybe LATER. God knows.

I don’t know what to write anymore. It’s so silent here that the ticking of the clock is the only sound I could hear. And I am here alone, with a small candle in front of me. It’s too dark and this little candle is bringing me light…a LITTLE candle in a dark space. Isn’t it wonderful? If I blow the little fire in this candle off, it would be too dark here to barely see anything. (Okay, let me try. *blew the candle...lit it again) It was dark without the candle’s light but as I lit the candle again, I see light. Awesome, isn’t it? This little light could be compared to HOPE. Hope could be as small as this dot (.) but this hope gives us the light to continue life, live life as it is, endure all the pain life gives. And even how dark the area where you are is, how dark is your life, a small, little light will be lit for you to bring you hope that, sooner or later, the lights will be turned on and your life will be as bright as you could even imagine.

Well, I sound really ironic here because personally, I get so disappointed and get hurt so easily. During a bad day, I become more of an unfaithful child of God who blames HIM for all the bad things that are happening. But despite that, I never gave in and at the end of the day, I still find myself with my eyes closed with tears, thanking God for the life and for the safety of my friends, family and everyone who is close to my heart. I may be no one for the many people that surrounds me but for HIM, I am somebody and I thank HIM for every day he has given me and for the many chances he has bestowed me so I could correct my mistakes from yesterdays and be with the few people who love me and with the people I love.

Live life as it is, endure the pain, cry, and be happy. For me, this is how life works. Hope and faith will always be our foundation. So hope and keep the faith! ^^,

My brother who taught me something today

Family is what I have. Though we don’t have a luxurious life and we can’t have what we have almost all the time, I am still happy that we are complete. Despite the imperfections of our family, I am still happy because I have them with me. I love my family so much and I can never let anyone hurt them. I can let people hurt me but not any of the members of my family. They mean so much to me.

I miss them so much. And just a few minutes ago, I received a call from my mother. She told me about the happenings in the house and told me that my youngest brother is sick. He vomited blood last night. It worries me so much that’s why I really wanted to go home. But the thing that amazes me much is that while he is sick, he took a rosary and wore it. That means one thing – he has FAITH. I remember when he was younger, I heard him wish death. I pitied him and hearing his words brought me to tears. My brother was born with a hydrocele testis. It is an accumulation of clear fluid in the most internal of membranes containing a testicle. It enlarges the scrotum due to the fluid in it. With such irregularity, it made his walking abnormal. He can’t walk the way normal people do. He grew up with the criticisms of the kids of his age. But the best attitude I have seen in my brother is that he never cares about what other people say. He never let his irregularity affect his social life. He plays with the normal kids and though others do tease him, he is strong enough to handle them. Though he is a very spoiled brat, I admire the very cheerful side of him. I know inside he was suffering but I never saw him cry because of his irregularity. That is the reason why I love him so much. He is sick today but with the faith in his heart, I know he will be healed. I also have faith that he will be healed. He is one of the reasons why I want to have a good life in the future so I could share it with him and to the rest of my family. Family is what I have. My friends may come and go but I know my family will not. I know that whatever happens, they will stay with me throw ups and downs. I thank God for them. There are really many reasons for us to be happy. We just have to look at the bright side.