Feeling of emptiness@@

I hate this feeling of emptiness! I can still remember those days with this someone- the someone i thought would be my SOMEBODY(refer to my fave song SOMEBODY by Depeche mode). Every moments were so candied. Everything was close to perfection. We are so happy - chatting and laughing together. WE went to church together, we eat together. *sigh* Those days are something i would always wish to befall again. And he is always someone i would always wish to be together - now and then.

But here i am now- sad and alone. It's good to be single though but I would always come to the point of missing someone special to care and love me the way i want him to. I always flirt (not the egat-egat level) with few guys not near me just to cover up the emptiness i feel but it's always been useless. Nobody had ever made me feel this way. I've always been looking for someone like him. But I find NOONE and even if i've met someone close to his characters, it's still not enough. Well, that may mean a single fact: Everyone is unique so I can't find another him.

He said he'll be back after 5 years! But damnit! FIVE years is too long that I may not be able to wait for him! Yes, I love him but i don't think it's enough! Or maybe the love i have for him is not just true yet! Maybe he wants me to grow and mature because I am admittable to the fact that I'm still too immature when it comes to this matter. But I want to grow and mature with him, which he didn't realize in the first place. I could not believe that he had been so selfish not considering my feelings. Well, he has always been like this - very incomprehensible. *sigh* But what could I do? He doesn't want to communicate with me anymore! He needed his freedom so I have to give it to him. It's sad that i can't tell him anymore how much I value him but I think he knows it much! He has always been aware of my feelings for him.

I guess I just have to stop this! Waiting for a promise is nonsense! I'll only hurt myself! So I really have to stop this! I don't want to be stuck with him for 5 long years.

But I dont want to fall for another either! I want to give my heart a rest! *sigh*

I just hope that the next guy I'll fall inlove with will be my SOMEBODY - the one that I'll share the rest of my life with.