Bad Dream

Good morning Sunday. I just woke up from a bad dream. I was on a fight with a course-mate and our professor scolded me with a "i can't remember what it was" project. What I remember is that it was something that would take time to finish and I was working with my thesis so I was like "WHAT TO DO? I CAN'T GRADUATE WITH THIS!" I woke up realizing that I was crying while dreaming but felt relieved that it was all just a dream.

Then it got me into thinking that I haven't gotten into a real fight with someone yet. I was always the afraid one, the coward one. I just cried whenever I got bullied during my high school days. Well, I never fought back because if did, I might have been called by our principal and that's a shame. Fighting isn't everything. You don't really have to fight back to feel that you are strong and brave. When I'm mad and upset, I cuss a lot when I'm all by myself but when the person I am mad/upset with is with me, I just shut my mouth up and don't even say a word.

Oh well. I gotta go to work now.

Heavy Heart

It's past midnight and my eyes are still wide open. My heart is so heavy and tears just keep on flowing on my cheeks. I'm supposed to be sleeping now but I just can't sleep with this heavy heart. I was reflecting and realized that my heart is not as peaceful as I thought it was. It is clouded with doubts, jealousy, insecurities, fears and all that kind of stuff. I realized how selfish and rude I am. I am very impatient and I really find it hard to control my anger. I cuss a lot and I hurt people with the words that're coming out from my mouth which, of course, I always regret. Saying sorry or expressing myself is just so hard to do. What is seriously wrong with me? I hate it when I hurt those people that are close to me especially my parents and siblings. I keep on complaining when in fact there are millions of people who are more unfortunate than I am.

Listening to Christian songs relaxes my nerves. Has to do this often.