Heavy Heart

It's past midnight and my eyes are still wide open. My heart is so heavy and tears just keep on flowing on my cheeks. I'm supposed to be sleeping now but I just can't sleep with this heavy heart. I was reflecting and realized that my heart is not as peaceful as I thought it was. It is clouded with doubts, jealousy, insecurities, fears and all that kind of stuff. I realized how selfish and rude I am. I am very impatient and I really find it hard to control my anger. I cuss a lot and I hurt people with the words that're coming out from my mouth which, of course, I always regret. Saying sorry or expressing myself is just so hard to do. What is seriously wrong with me? I hate it when I hurt those people that are close to me especially my parents and siblings. I keep on complaining when in fact there are millions of people who are more unfortunate than I am.

Listening to Christian songs relaxes my nerves. Has to do this often.